I had no intention of posting today, but as I sit here…..in a somewhat extreme state of exhaustion, I am trying to piece together the events of the last 12 hours to see what went wrong. Kids, how did I end up here?
I actually thought the evening routine was going pretty well. I had the toddler down at about 7:30pm and I told the older kids to get their butts to bed in about 20 minutes. By 8:15pm they were tucked away (albeit grudgingly) in bed and my evening of binge watching Married at First sight was to commence! I enquired from the husband when he’d be home and he told me to forget that he exists, because it was going to be a long night……and indeed it was….
I took it as a good sign that I randomly found a half eaten bag of chips I must have been hiding from the kids next to the bed in a drawer, and I pressed play. Toddler sleeps in our bed…there is just no other way. He will boomerang back to us every 3 minutes if we dare try to put him into his own bed. Usually he will sleep through the apocalypse, but it seems Married at First Sight is his limit. Maybe it irritates him? I put it on as softly as I could, but the tossing and turning would not stop. Eventually after an hour of having the TV on pause….I decided to call it quits, get to bed early, beauty sleep and all that.
Toddler usually drinks a bottle during the night….and around 10pm he started stirring. As Murphy would have it, I had just dozed off…..I plonk the bottle into his mouth, but nope….he wasn’t having it. Moaned and I patted him back to sleep. This cycle continued for about 2hrs when I realised that my husband still wasn’t home. Broke as hell…I sent him a please call me, which was fruitless, because he doesn’t read smses. Ever.
At around 1am I wake up to discover I’m feeling a foot…. Did toddler grow so much in his sleep? Nope…it’s the 5yr old lying with his head off the bed, playing footsie with me. I had NO energy to worry about how sore his neck would be the next day, so I left him. Still no husband…I check my phone and to my dismay, I see he’s still at work. I start thinking about my life as a widow…because he’s half an hour out of town and will probably be killed, because this is South Africa after all.
At 3am eventually I hear the car pull up and I hear him trying to be very quiet with getting his clothes. Maybe next time shower with the light off though babes…that glare in my face! Hubby hops into bed, I lecture him about working until after 2am, but at least now I can finally sleep peacefully right? I kid you not…10 minutes later the 8yr old jumps on my legs, pushes my legs away to make herself comfy next to the 5yr old. She then proceeds to let out the loudest fart….onto my defenseless foot….. I am toying with moving to one of their rooms at this stage, but don’t want to leave hubby alone with the toddler who remains restless.
We are literally sleeping like pretzels at this stage. It’s not enough obviously, because toddler then starts crying and screaming…threatening to throw his body off the bed, still refusing the bottle. My poor mom…bless her heart, comes running in, because even she is worried about my husband’s lack of sleep now and toddler goes with her, as quiet as a mouse. Like…WTF????? I then wake 8yr old up and tell her to come and lay between us, because then at least I can straighten my legs out. I swear she tried to stare her brother awake so he could see ‘she’d won’, because she gets promoted to top of the bed, but thankfully he slept through her silent victory stare.
She however ends up lying on top of me and I balance on the 3cm of bed space I have. Literally worse off than having my legs squashed. I don’t even want to know what the time is anymore… I just know I’m flippin tired and I need this night to end…..
So now….I count down to tonight….and pray that tonight these darn kids leave us alone…. you know what, I’m not chancing it…I’m locking the damn door!