A few weeks ago, I made the heartbreaking decision to leave the marital bed….. I couldn’t take it anymore. I should not have to live with it. The life I was living…..when the lights go off and the doors are shut….it’s not what I signed up for! As women….as human beings, we have rights….and I was exercising mine. To not put up with the not-so-silent abuse I was dealing with at the hands of my husband…….yes…you know what I’m talking about…. SNORING! I can’t be the only one living this horrible life surely???
How did we end up here?
It was not always like this….. we were young, in love….and when the lights went out and we drifted off to sleep…there was silence. In the last year or so, my husband’s sinus has just become insane. He claims I ‘gave him sinus‘, because he never had it when he was younger. It’s quite bizarre that it developed much later in life…but anyways…um…you can’t GIVE somebody sinus…. Truthfully, the man has not been able to smell for over a year now. It’s bad! He has been on chronic medication after chronic medication. I’m not sure why he has not been referred to an ENT yet, but I’m hopeful that’s our next step. Until then, I live with this…until one night I couldn’t….and I actually went to sleep in another room.
A few weeks ago, I reached my limit. The noise level.…was something I could not comprehend coming out of a human being. Initially I tried to stay… I even amused myself and took about 79 voice notes of him snoring and sent it to him via WhatsApp. Eventually even that fun game wore off and I grabbed my pillows….and I left. I looked back, hoping he’d stop me….hoping he’d suddenly be silent…but no, he let me go….
I can’t believe that I am suffering alone, so I thought maybe best to round-up my top tips for dealing with THE SNORING SPOUSE in the hopes that it will save at least one marriage.
Hit the medicine cabinet and medicate….YOURSELF! If I can find something that can make me a bit woozy…….maybe I can get into a deeper sleep and not be affected by the earthquake happening next to me!
Okay so this one is for the actual snorer…..let them elevate their heads. If you wake up and he/she is snoring without an elevated head, shove a pillow under their unsuspecting ass. This will also hopefully wake them, and you may be able to fall asleep before snoring commences again.
Some nights my husband tries to give me a head start to get to sleep. He tells me when he’s feeling sleepy, so I can put my phone down and I’ve bascially got anything from 39 seconds to 4 minutes to fall asleep. I’m unfortunately not one of those people who can fall asleep on a whim, so usually the timer runs out and with it…my luck!
Shove and abuse
Okay, so this isn’t very nice, but feel free to tap their leg a little bit. The movement may cause the asshole person to shift positions and stop snoring. If a little tap doesn’t work, I start tugging blankets VERY aggressively. I kick, I put my hand on his face and I sometimes elbow him. It’s not nice, he doesn’t appreciate being abused as he sleeps apparently, but frankly my dear…I don’t give a damn.
If all else fails….I just lay and cry. I can’t even relay how much I HATE snoring and how I can’t take sounds when I want to sleep. A dog barking 3 streets down will wake me up. The minute a series ends, I need the sound to stop…literally jump up and pause, press stop or switch the TV off. I go MENTAL if I have to suffer any sound further than the last scene of the show/movie. Maybe this is like some sort of sound allergy or syndrome I have?
As a very last resort….go sleep somewhere else. Even if only to prevent yourself from elbowing your poor spouse to death. Just me? I did that for 2 nights… and hated it, because I can’t bear to be away from Orkie Snorknie….but for my own sanity, I needed to do it. I only stayed away for about 2hrs… usually there’s a settling period and once we hit 2am….it’s quiet sailing!
That’s it for my top tips for dealing with a snoring spouse…. My husband apparently wants to read this post to deal with his own snoring spouse!!?? Say what?? He claims to have the voice notes to back up this accusation. I plead the 5th!
Do you or your significant other snore? Is it a problem for you? Do you have any REAL tips?