Why a marriage is NOT a partnership! Well, at least mine isn’t……
October 8, 2018
Are there any ‘The Bachelor/The Bachelorette/Marriage at First Sight/The Proposal‘ fans in the house? I am a sucker for these shows…. Maybe because my husband and I got married after 79 years of dating, there’s an appeal to this speed marriage idea. I find it fascinating and I am always hoping true love will prevail! Well as true as it can be at first sight or within 6 weeks. When you know, you know, right? After every episode of The Proposal, I google immediately to check if the contestants are still together. I’m just a hopeless romantic I guess! I am sure many of you will judge me for my poor taste in reality TV shows, but judge away. #SorryNotSorry
So while I do love these shows, there is something that irritates the living crap out of me. It’s the girl or the guy who proclaim that they just want to be ‘in a partnership….a marriage that is 50/50‘…where they’re both all in! I cannot roll my eyes further back in my head. Okay, what is a 50/50 partnership….
A 50/50 split means that each person gives the exact same amount of themselves—fully.
I would love to know which marriage or relationship has a meter running that clocks in this 50/50 percentage… and also, how 2 people manage to always be running on this 50%…all the time? It’s a delusion…. this does not exist people!
So does marriage suck?
Of course not. Marriage is the best thing that has ever happened in my life…. It’s not for everybody, but it definitely is for me! This percentage thing though….somebody needs to coach these poor saps that go onto these reality shows. You cannot get married for 50/50. Why?
Well when one of you haslost your job…..one of you will have to be pulling 80% while the other one is running on 20%. Emotionally and financially I guess.
When one of your parent’s die…..the bereaved spouse will be running on 3% while the other one will dutifully pick up the slack at an impressive 97%!
The night you go on a date and one of you is feeling like a big fat unattractive whale, one of you may have to make the conversation and scatter compliments like fairy dust at 60% while the other sits there…… taking it all in with 40% to contribute.
When one of you have a slipped disc and cannot walk for 3 weeks….one of you will be running on 0% while the other is the rock at 100%! As close to being Dwayne Johnson as you’re ever going to be!
The spouse who is studying for an exam….will be running on 10%, while the other spouse will see to the kids, play, make lunch….and without complaining, absorb the 90%.
I know…you all are thinking it…Shit, Simone is good at maths! You would not be incorrect with this assumption….. I’m a numbers gal.
Back to my point though…. there are 365 days in a year…and I promise you, everyday is a push and pull…a give and take….a 51/49…… Perhaps there are days where it seems there was an equal push and pull…and that’s great! However….when the hard days come, the sad days…the dark days…and one needs more than the other…as a spouse, you pick up the slack. The problem will arise….when you need more than the other can give…. Those are the hard times….and where I guess a marriage can be tested…but that’s not for today’s post.
Marriage is sacrifice, service…and a box of Lindt!
The Three Marks of Manhood, Dr. G.C. Dilsaver states that “The hierarchy of the family does not accept the modern prescription of a 50-50 sharing in power between husband and wife, but rather a 100-100 donation of love between husband and wife……’ – I’m taking this a little out of context, but I just love the ‘100-100 donation of love’. I think that’s what it boils down to….how much are you prepared to give of yourself, when your partner needs you the most? Can you be The Rock if the situation calls for it? My husband is THE ROCK of ROCKS….always willing to give 100% when I need him to…no matter what! For that…I thank him. Every day. I’m more like the…: “I’ve got 7%, can you give me some change?” kind of wife…. ha ha…
A marriage is not a business where you share profits and losses. It’s more like when we buy a box of Lindt to share…and there are 16 balls in there. I am never going to eat 8….I am either going to eat 15 and my husband needs to be the giver, or I’m going to eat 7 and give my husband 9! Give and take right? See how selfless I am? So somebody, please break it to Tia….Suzy….and any other future bachelor contestant wannabees….. you don’t go into a marriage looking for 50/50…..
Has there been a time where you’ve had to be giving or needing more than ‘your fair share’ of 50%?
PS I am no love expert….or marriage expert…. just some gal on the internet, oversharing the thoughts nobody asked her to share 😉