It feels like just yesterday when I sat down and decided to talk about how we were faced with suddenlybeing a one income household. I never imagined that I’d be where I am today…. in more ways than one. That post was written in February, but it had been our reality for about 3 months at that point. I needed to take my time in writing that post, because I think the first few months were so hard and emotional….the post would have gone in a very different direction if I’d written it sooner. Reading that post now….I see that Simone was trying very hard to positive, but in the back of her mind, Simone was worried AF.
I was desperately trying to plan for every situation and outcome. It became a joke that I made….how I would store my makeup when I was homeless. I needed to make jokes…to keep myself sane. Blogging was so hard for me earlier in 2018….because I was so desperately trying to get sponsored gigs. Sending out pitch after pitch after pitch…hoping to earn some income that would take the strain off us. There was no fun for me in blogging. Every idea I had….I received NO response or a polite decline. Usually no response though. I couldn’t do blog posts for the fun of it…. I could think of nothing else, but sponsored content. To a point where I was so stressed out…and after 3 weeks of a migraine that would not go away….I needed timeout, a doctor, medication. It was very hard for me, because I saw it as a sign of weakness. To need medication…to get rid of a headache…that was caused by the stress and pressure I was putting on myself.
A side note on the blogger hustle
A few weeks ago, I saw a blogger apologising for having too much sponsored content on her feed…and I thought back to this time (paragraph above). Desperate Simone praying to do sponsored posts even for horse shit. Who are we to judge? Some bloggers do this full time..it pays their bills and keeps them off the street…. Think about that before you judge their hustle. Just do you….and don’t care about what other people are doing. If they are selling their souls for sponsored content….that’s on them…. Also….I am really fond of horse manure. My mom would totally use that stuff for her gardening 😉
Back to me…
I told a friend I was going to quit blogging…so I could focus my mind elsewhere….somewhere else to generate a 2nd income. I also toyed with resigning from my job to access my pension. Hell I asked HR if I could access my pension…apparently you may only for home improvements. So what if you end up homeless with a pension fund? But sure….you can access it if you want to make your home pretty. That kind of doesn’t make sense right??
There were so many expenses that popped up…I felt like it was raining…flooding….
Positive things also happened….
With not having a 2nd car to transport the kids, my brother, school moms…so many people helped us get the kids from school everyday!
A message from a friend, 1000kms away telling me that even if I needed a loaf of bread….I could contact her. I cried so much…from gratitude, but prayed I would never need to take her up on this.
An sms from a relative telling me, yes we don’t see each other…but you call me if you need anything. She won’t know how this warmed my heart…just to know that she meant it. And boy…was I close to calling in this favour! lol.
One of my oldest friends telling me…hey, if you all need to come and live in my house, we’ll make it work! You’ll never be on the street while I’m your friend.
‘Blogger friends’…praying for me, checking up on me….
My family…my village…my tribe….
Real life though…
While all this positivity kept me going...we needed a salary people! Thankfully my husband secured a 3 month contract job during the year and that kept us going….. I swear like literally as I’d be checking out which park bench I was going to sleep on…..at the 11th hour, something would happen!
There was a break in that contract, some more stress for a month or 2….but the Lord was there….and hubby managed to secure another contract for a few months. This due to the impression he left on his boss under the first contract…so he recommended him for a position! So great when people believe in you and can see your work ethic right?
The future and believing in miracles….
We don’t know what 2019 holds at this point…. but I am trying to fake the optimism, because jobs are scarce people!! I never thought a year later he would not have a permanent job yet, but then again, I also thought if he didn’t have a job, we’d be homeless. With my makeup on the street. So even though we’re still in a VERY tough spot…. we’ve made it. A freakin year….and we’ve made it. Still surviving by the grace of God…. and I go on…hoping He is not sick of carrying us and making miracles <3
I don’t know why I felt compelled to write this post….maybe you think bloggers/people you know/everybody on Instagram….live these amazing stress free lives….and maybe this post speaks to you and you’ll realise, we’re all fighting our own battles!
2018 has been a good year…..honestly. One of my favourites…as hard as it’s been! When last have you been able to say…this has been a good year? How has 2018 treated you so far?