My son and I were sitting in the car today (on this day, post draft day) and he said to me: ‘I’m going to cry a lot when you die‘. He always comes out of left field with these death conversations….. Joshua wants to know:
Will I get the car when you die?
Who will teach me how to drive? Maybe you can send me for driving lessons.
Will Addy and I be Adam’s parents when you die?
Where will we live?
What if you die when I’m a kid still?
Some times he gets sad, but most of the time he is very matter of fact…..though on this day, he was very sad…which in turn made me very sad 🙁 To reassure him, I told him not to worry, whoever is looking after them will take care of everything. This got me thinking…. will they take care of everything?
It’s a very somber topic I know, but do you ever think about what would happen if you hit your expiration date a lot sooner than you anticipate…or hope you would? I think about this, and especially in the extreme case that somehow both their dad and I somehow hit the ‘exit highway’ together. So today, I’m writing a letter…to whoever the poor sap blessed person is that ends up being entrusted with their care. #InstantFamily anybody?
Dear Potential Future Parent of my kids
I know this may be a scary time for you, taking on the responsibility of 3 children…but please be consoled by the fact that they should come with a lot of money! No really….you guys should be loaded, and if you had any aspirations to be a stay at home parent…now is the time for you to live your best life. Instant lots of kids and wealth aside though, I would like you to please promise me:
That you’ll read them a story before bed…
You’ll kiss them goodnight….
The fridge will always be stocked with apples, because Joshua doesn’t go a day without eating apples.
Adam will have all the dinosaur books and figurines he’ll ever need, but please…he likes to sit with you, so ooh and aah at every growl.
You won’t forget that Addison seems mature beyond her years, but she’s still just a kid….who needs to know she can trust you. Don’t betray her trust…..ever….. it hurts her. Also…she loves 2 minute noodles and nutella…but you already know that, right?
You may be tempted to let them get away with murder the first few days, months….and actually…please allow them that, but not for too long.
You’ll let Josh fall asleep in your bed, because he prefers to be carried to his bed, fast asleep…..
No matter what happens in the future, you’ll keep them close. Make sure they know there’s no option to not be talking or involved in each others lives. Threaten them with the promise that I will haunt them if they don’t adhere to this.
They’ll study and get an education….so they have the best opportunities in life. Even if you have to drag them to class.
Promise me that you’ll love them…as if you birthed them. So that they may never question that they are loved.
Did I mention that you need to kiss them before bed? Every night?
As long as they’ve done their best…high five them, no matter what the outcome.
If they’re schmucks though, and lazy asses….feel free to lecture them and threaten to take away their pretend trust fund.
That you’ll please warn them to NOT get into debt!
They’ll exercise….genetics are not on their side…..
I hope and pray that I will not leave my kids while they are still kids, but we know that tomorrow is promised to none of us. My kids….are my heart and soul, and so to whoever ends up with the task of loving them, even when they seem unlovable….. I pray for loads of patience, understanding, wisdom….and love in abundance. <3
I know kids go through these stages….and I’m sure at some stage Addison was also a bit preoccupied with death, so my hope is Joshua will outgrow this, but of course that means I still have one kid left that may still enter this phase of life! Do your kids ever talk about death and what will happen to them? What would be your hope….if you were no longer around, as to how they are cared for?